Choices

I usually decide to just be happy when i wake up. Today I decide to be sad somewhere along the way. To shed a few tears. I woke up happy, nothing bad really happened.


I was sitting here with my three, smart, funny, beautiful children who I am so thankful for, having some lunch, eating some sun chips and it just hit me. My heart grew heavy. I miss my step dad, Chris. I miss him frequently, but today it's a lot. We used to sit and eat Sunchips together.


 It's been nearly twenty years since he passed, but I still find myself missing him. We spent a lot of time together and he was a wonderful man. handsome, funny, kind, just the kind of person anyone would love. He loved life and my sister and I. He was in the Marines and I just thought he was for sure a prince when he dressed up in his dress blues for the Military ball with my mom. I still remember how amazing they looked!

I remember very clearly going to a family weekend over on Arsenal Island and all the guys got to show off for their families. He did one handed pull-ups and clapped while doing push-up. I thought he was seriously cool!

Chris took me fishing one time and let me keep the fish alive in our garage...needless to say it smelled...and that is a serious understatement! I mean, who in their right mind would allow a child keep a fish alive in a bucket inside a garage!? He must have loved me.

He also saved me when our dog, Gusty, took ME on a walk. We had a beautiful husky mix who was the sweetest dog. See, she was used to running with Chris, a grown man who was a great runner, not a 7year old girl. Weeeeel, she took off running in the field and I flew along behind her. Lol, are you getting a pretty funny mental image here???? I was so afraid she would run away so I just kept holding on to her leash and screamed and cried until Chris came to save me! By the end of it I had grass stains on my clothes and skin and grass stuck in my teeth...it was certainly the wildest walk I was ever on!

Unfortunately not too long after that walk we lost Chris. He was in Hawaii for the Marines, a training for two weeks. This training fell over Father's Day weekend. They all had the weekend off to enjoy and do tourist things. He decided to go scuba diving with friends. There was an accident and he didn't make it.

I remember the Marines who came to our door to tell my mother. She already knew something was wrong because he hadn't called to check in. You see my little sister was only just 1year old and she was his whole world. I was changing her diaper when the knock came on the door. I remember going around the corner to see my mother crumpled like a small child crying...not an image you'll ever forget. The men who came were so sweet, they offered their support, but what could anyone will do? The men left and it was a very sad night.

A few short days later we had the funeral. He looked just like a Ken doll. So perfect. I really thought maybe he would just wake up and the nightmare would be over. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I put a little pillow in the casket with him, ya know, to give him some comfort so he wouldn't be alone.

He is buried in a beautiful spot in the cemetery, there are plants and flowers and there is a bench that over looks a pond. Ducks, geese and swans swim around and there are lots of fish to feed. I like to take my kids there. The pond is so full of life and they love it. I seems so fitting to create special memories there with my kids. I hope Chris can look down from Heaven and enjoy our time spent there with us too...

So, today, I woke up happy. Decided to be sad. And now I'll decide to remember him and think of all the good times and eat some Sunchips with my kids, and maybe we'll just take a trip over to feed the fish later...